I had a wonderful morning meditation, in which I experienced very tangible solar qualities, such as a liquid gold light, a sense of stillness and order. It was also the day that I shared my personal journey on regression and my early days with the Clairvision school of meditation, to Buddhist Fellowship (BF), an English-speaking Buddhist group based in Singapore. I had initial reservations about sharing, as I had done so before to BF a few years ago, but at that time I had experienced difficulties with the moderator for that session, who made some below the belt comments and made me feel unwelcome. What hurt more was that I considered her a good friend, and did not expect such a reaction from her. While she never did apologize to me (and neither did I told her how hurt I was so she did not have a chance to apologize anyway), she did tell me later on that such a topic was not suitable at BF's Sunday Service (which is their main weekly platform talk), and if she had known beforehand what my talk content was she would have prevented me from starting. She then invited me to give the same talk in a different setting (Brahm Center, the educational and social outreach arm of BF), where there were presumably less religious implications and my talk would be better received. I declined by staying silent, as the rest of that later conversation with her showed me that she was really not interested in what I had to say about my spiritual experiences if she could not use it to promote the brand of Buddhism she believed in.
So it was not without some trepidation that I gave my sharing in BF on 5th June 2016, titled "Regression - A Personal Journey". However, the space and the audience felt different. Things had changed, people had moved on. I too had changed significantly over the intervening years. She was no longer active in BF, and was in Hua Hin helping out in Ajahn Brahm's meditation retreat. (By the way we are still friends and I am currently helping her out in her project to start a Buddhist hospice, which I respect as a noble endeavour. But I have learnt to be less naive and more circumspect towards people, being more selective to whom I bare my soul to.)
I went off-the-cuff without any prepped notes, structuring my talk by starting with certain key experiences in the years of my Buddhist practice, in particular my inspiring experiences in the Buddhist pilgrimage trip to India in 2006, where I visited some sites considered holy to Buddhists. I connected that to my reasons for starting to learn Clairvision meditation, and my early experiences in the Clairvision school's style of regression, called Inner Space Techniques (IST). I shared about experiences that shattered my preconceived mental conceptions of "being spiritual", and how that led me increasingly to carve out my own authentic path, away from merely regurgitating spiritual texts or believing in them without the force of direct experience.
Questions and answers session at the end was fun. For myself I have always enjoyed the Q&A part of all my talks more than any prepared script of mine. Their questions mainly relate to trying to draw connections from my experiences to their Buddhist worldview, which I tried my best to do with as much integrity as my articulation allowed, bridging between two worlds that I am familiar with. My younger sister shared her own experiences in Buddhism and Clairvision, which drew applause from people who were obviously moved by her heartfelt rendering of how regression had helped her shift positively. That sharing of hers was important for her own healing too.
What was most surprising was the private small group chats I had after the talk proper, where various people approached me to express interest in giving Clairvision meditation and regression a try, and one related a deep experience of deja vu in the Louvre that I encouraged her to keep exploring, without pigeon-holing it as a past-life experience or not. I was touched once again by the sincere warmth of this group, and old friends that I had not connected with in a long time. I had after all spent some fruitful years with this group before. That drove home the point again to me, that I indeed create the world I experience from inside.
So it was a fantastic New Moon. For those interested in astrology, I share with you my chart with transits at 8am my local time on 5 Jun 2016. Do note the transiting Sun-Venus-Moon conjunct, square my natal Venus-Moon opposition, and loosely square to my natal Nodes and opposing natal Neptune. And of course my Nodal return. Looking forward to beautiful weeks ahead!
Heartfelt and beautiful. Thank you for sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteInteresting read.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete