The difference between sexual energy and "being sexualized" - Part 2

In part 1, I attempted to show how "being sexualized" is how all things sex are mostly portrayed in the media of our modern world, and how that only forms a narrow and superficial band of the spectrum of sexual energy. 

Let me briefly describe the world I grew up in, that is Singapore, a nation of conservative mores despite our East-meets-West location, in a middle-class family of conservative mores, and embracing a (mainly Theravada) Buddhist faith with conservative mores...... enough said. I fell for it hook line sinker, this formidable loop of guilt-forbidden fruit-desire that entraps mere mortals. I was fascinated about sex as all young men (and women) would be, and conceptually drew a distinction between the dirty knowledge of sex and the biological necessity of it, which actually helped soften the guilt exploring it, since it was a biological necessity, right? So I oscillated between guilt and fascination about sex, for a long time. During that period I purchased the book the "Multi-Orgasmic Man" by Mantak Chia out of sheer curiosity, and was exposed to the idea of ejaculatory control for the first time, but I never really got the practices in that book to work for me. 

Now I will describe an early personal experience of sexual energy that blew my mind away, and started the gradual deconstruction of all the limiting and confusing things about sex I had been conditioned to believe.

In 2011, I attended a seven-day meditation intensive organized by the Clairvision school. It was essentially a week of practices involving the Inner Space Technique (IST), the school's method of regression, which is a very useful tool in finding the source of psychological traumas and psychosomatic issues. Usually this entails a paired practice, where the client (the person being regressed) is lying down, and the connector (the one facilitating and leading the session) will be seated next to the client, and placing their fingers lightly on a part of the client's body (commonly the chest or abdomen) which we call a "spot", then inviting the client to explore any sensations or emotions arising from that "spot". A typical session lasts for 45 - 90 minutes. 

During one such session on the last day of that intensive, I was exploring a "spot" in my abdominal area, and entered a space where I started to experience multiple orgasms, without any physical sex or sexual stimulation. It felt like I was ejaculating golden semen from the "spot" in my abdomen to the rest of my body over and over again, and it felt awesomely pleasurable, just like real sex, except that in real sex I only experience such orgasms in my genitals with the characteristic physical contractions of ejaculation. I was experiencing energetic or etheric orgasms without their physical counterpart, the etheric being the layer of life-force that is analogous to "chi" in Chinese Medicine and "prana" in Ayurveda. There was no preconceived agenda or "protocol" or intent to get me to experience those multiple orgasms. Neither my connector nor myself had any idea that would happen. As with all such IST sessions, the best (and only) solution was going with the flow, and expect the unexpected.

These initial orgasms were quite violent, where the bursts of golden semen in my consciousness felt similar to my usual physical orgasm. Then the more I allowed myself to embrace these violent pleasures and open to them, the violence abated, and the ejaculations of golden semen became more subtle and soft. Yet the space felt deeper and more still, and I was aware of deeper and deeper layers of sex opening, with an increasing brilliance of golden light and preciousness of energy the deeper it went. There was seemingly no end to the depth of pleasure and stillness through such sex, and no fatigue and no refractory phase. And I increasingly felt the waves of orgasm flooding my whole body, instead of being limited to the genitals in typical physical orgasm. The deeper the orgasms went, the more even my physical body and such whole-body-orgasm-waves receded, until what emerged was a space of precious golden stillness replacing my body. It was a state of such pleasure and well-being and stillness, all the more amazing because it emerged from sexual energy and is sexual energy, yet had none of the grasping and fatigue associated with sexual activity. 

Another amazing thing was the lack of an objective sexual target throughout the experience. In common everyday experience, sexual desire is aroused when targeted at a specific object, like a person you fantasize about, the smell of perfume, the sound of that person's voice, or a pair of heels clicking as they pass by...... the list is never-ending, but you get the point. In this experience, the target if any, was the sexual energy within myself. The sexual energy involuted or turned onto itself, going into ever deeper layers within one's consciousness and etheric (or life-force). Any external objects that surfaced as part of the imagination of my discursive mind were quickly seen as distractions and not the real deal, even if they appeared sexual, and were quickly abandoned in lieu of the sexual energy itself. That these fantasies of the mind were distractions was pretty obvious, because the flow of experience and pleasure went flat when these thoughts caught my mind, like a last ditch attempt to stop me going deeper by sending me superficial sexual fantasies to occupy me. But the momentum of the sexual energy itself was powerful enough to stop my usual discursive and fantasizing mind shortly after they arose, so that I plummeted ever deeper into stillness and light. The age-old adage of "going with the flow" in meditation would be given a new spin - "go with the ecstasy!" The ecstasy turning onto itself was the pathway in. This was a key experience in my spiritual journey as a healer, in years to follow helping to deconstruct the societal limits placed upon sex, opening new doors to understanding the symbiosis between sex and life, and how sexual energy heals at the deepest levels.